Everyone is worried. I think mostly because of how I am reacting to everything.
And my reaction is very... minimal. Almost no reaction at all.
But the constant eggshells and tiptoeing is going to drive me insane. My shells are already crushed, there is no point in trying to be nice about it.
I think it is all still sinking in. I'm trying not to think about it all, because when i do this sick wave of nauseating emotion completely overwhelms me, and I am sucked under the current.
I went to go and fetch all of my stuff at His place this morning.
I went early when He was in class.
I left a nice pile of all his shit that He had left at my place on His bed, along with some items He had given me that i no longer have the stomach to look at.
I think He'll get the hint.
It was weird. I got it done in a matter of minutes, I got a big toasty garbage bag, threw all of my belongings into it, and fled the scene. Tomorrow I'll take my key to his mother's.
I just can't believe that it is over.
That He feels so little for me. That I am nothing. That everything meant nothing.
I don't want to love Him anymore.
its awfull when something that was there for so long ends like that. and this sounds like a cliché, but you do have to be strong. be strong for yourself so you get better, be strong so other don't pitty you, be strong so he can se you are independent. Chanalize your thoughts to something else, like losing weight. All that anger and desperation you have inside you, turn it into strenght and will power for something else.
ReplyDeleteI know this probably means nothing right now, but I hope it was helpful. If you need anything, just say it or e-mail me :)
Thank you for the advice, every little bit counts :) and its nice to know that there is someone there if i need them :) I'm doing much better, and am trying to focus my negative energy into better things like intake and weight loss. and also work. But from what i hear, he is rather perturbed at how "well" I am doing, so im putting up a good front where it counts :)
DeleteBut again, thank you. It really means a lot. and i am getting out my self pity, whiny stage.
So its an improvement :)
<3