Over

So He finally did it. He finally plucked up the balls to end it. So its over. I'm not sure how to react. It doesn't feel real, like I'm stuck in some horrible looping nightmare and I'm going to wake up any second now and it will be Over.
He said He still "loves" me but He doesn't love what we have so He needs a break. what the fuck does that mean. I saw this coming. I should have nipped it in the bud. But i didn't. Maybe because I still love Him. Maybe because I'm the only one still giving a fuck.
I cried for a solid day and now I'm all dried out. Now i break down at the most inopportune times, like making tea, or driving. More deadly than texting and driving.
I went to a party tonight, A friends birthday party so that i didnt sit at home thinking about it.
It was awful, all i got was "oh shame" looks and everyone asking me if i was ok every two seconds and, do i want another drink, why am i not eating, whats wrong? why am i so quiet? ANd then the worst came. Sober me was confronted with drunken birthday girl trying to lecture me on breakups and love lifes. and how i am so much better off without Him. Thats not what I want to hear.
I want to listen to mindless conversation about stupid clothing and family problems and not think about anything and not say anything.
The only good thing that has come out of this is that I haven't eaten in three days. Not a conscious decision, I've just felt too sick, too icky to put anything in my mouth.
1.5 lbs down and I havent even tried. I just have this constant nauseous feeling. sick to my core.
4 years wasted. And He doesn't care. I mean nothing.
I am nothing.
I can't do this anymore.
I just want to wake up...