Sometimes, but not really

I am partaking in piggy's challenge, and I have gone down 1lb.
1 measly lb.
I suppose that it is better than a gain
and I did fast for 2 days...
and then binged yesterday
and then purged
followed by some more purging,,,,

So it has been an exciting week
I want to have one day, when I don't obsess over food, weight... everything
I want just one day where I can eat what ever I want.
and there will be no consequences, and I will not be overwhelmed with this darkened sense of guilt.
Just one day.
But that is all fairy tales and love stories. they don't exist
except inside the minds of romantics.

Shit is getting serious with this boyfriend and I.
I am afraid of what I feel for him, or even worse, what I think he feels for me.
I love and indulge in every second i spend with him.
and I miss him when he is not around...
and that terrifies me and angers me and makes me happy all at the same time.
I still shiver when he takes my hand, or kisses me,
and feel nauseous when he tells me im beautiful.
I know I am not, but I like that he thinks so.
I think that he adds to me, stimulates me in many ways
He is constantly trying to make the world a more beautiful place.
And what more could one really ask for?