Old Hallow's

And Boy am I starting to feel it
We went to a crazy Halloween party on the weekend,
Like all things we do, our outfits were most outrageous
But it was fun all the same

I am feeling so run down at the moment.
So tired, and stressed and depressed I suppose
Sunday night I went to my mothers for "dinner"
Which usually means intervention time
something that I have done wrong somewhere along the line
I was sitting in my old room, rummaging through some things,
She storms into my room, making me feel about 8 again
"have you been throwing up?" Is what she said
No
don't lie to me
I'm really not
It smells so bad in there
I don't live here mother and I haven't been throwing up.
It rots your teeth you know.
Maybe you should take a good hard look at yourself and your own problems and issues and deal with them before vicariously lecturing me. and don't make false accusations.

and thats about the time I told her to leave my "sacred" space
I felt so sick I actually haden't been throwing up
But i sure as hell felt like it now.

She came to me a little while later...
I'm sorry if I wrongly accused you dear, but I worry. You are so thin
I'm not mother, I have gained weight.
No you haven't you are just disappearing.
Mother
There are "healthy" ways. they will make you maintain your weight, and eat proper meals.
I eat just fine. you have nothing to worry about.
I can get someone for you speak to
No thank you...

because that worked SO well last time.

Im sorry this post seems a little manic and insane.
but that conversation has been looping in my mind since sunday,
i had to channel it somehow
Its really bothered me
Not just the fact that my mother is on my case again, but the fact that I was so terrible about her own Issues. But I was just so angry. as someone with a problem, she should understand that it is not something one can just will away.
Or maybe she really just doesnt get that.
Maybe she really is just clueless.

But why doesnt my dad do anything
say anything
I know they dont have the ideal marriage,
But how can he just sit back and watch her do this
I know the complete hippocracy of that entire statement ,
But its my mom.

and to top off all things that are fucked up in the world at the moment
I think he might have told me he loved me at the party on the weekend,
But it was loud, and im not sure i heard him right
But i saw his lips moved, and thats what they said
I just pretended I heard nothing
And it was very awkward for a little while
But why would it be awkward?
I didnt hear anything.

God, and last week i was doing so well.