I have put on 2 lbs.
I seem to have plateaued at 98.
98lbs of disgusting.
I have been eating more.
but I also have been exercising.
I try to eat at least two meals a day.
Even if one of them is just a fruit.
It is more than I was doing before.
I only eat when I am in front of people,
I think that may be my demise,
I never eat when I am alone.
If I spend the weekend by myself, then it is a weekend of fast.
well if a fast contains wine and cigarettes.
The worst part is, I can barely find clothes that will fit me,
yet I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror.
I just see bulges and pathetic rolls of nonsense.
It is sickening.
It is madness
98 lbs of insanity.
and painted smiles
and cracked make up.
and smoke stained fingers
I am so tired.
and so bleak.
God help me, because surely there is no hope for a mind like this one.
Yet next week I will be fine.
Once I ride the wave.
I really hope so.
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